She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
