he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
