I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
