I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
