why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There's always time for handjobs
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
