Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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