At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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