Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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