We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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