areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
