I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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