I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
