god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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