...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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