the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
