white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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