so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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