I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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