she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
