Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
