I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
