Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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