Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
