No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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