hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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