your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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