so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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