All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
