Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize