I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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