No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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