I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
