there's paper in my vomit.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
