Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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