Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
