i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
