Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
