She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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