I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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