Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
