i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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