I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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