honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
