I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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