i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
