OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
