Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
