there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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