You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
