i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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