you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize