I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize