Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
is it fun? or sober?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
