It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
