He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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