I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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