I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
