I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
