Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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