You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
