Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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