That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
