You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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