You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
