Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
