We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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