I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
