pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
