Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
