you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
