she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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