You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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