Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
