If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
