I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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