Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
