WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Boobs speak an international language.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Randomize
