For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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