she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
