Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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