I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
