I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize