Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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