Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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