Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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