um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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