At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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