He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize