my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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