By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
