he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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