I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
