booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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