Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
