Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
