yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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