Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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