dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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