At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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