it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
