she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
