dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
