I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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