he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize