I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
