He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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