my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
