proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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